an ill-fitting shirt

Tromping home in the rain today after school, where the atmosphere in the classroom seemed to be as rainy as it was outside, I wished for the sunny skies and warm sun of Texas (read, America - for in my present state of mind, in the States, everywhere is sunny). With the final push to June, it's difficult to get excited about school, about classes. I feel tired a lot. Perhaps it's just the rainy season, a lapse of the spirit that will recover with the turn of the weather. But now, all seems dreary and dull, except for one thing. There is a huge tug-of-war in my mood and heart. I'm happy to be going home - HOME - the very thought... But I'm sad too, to leave the thing I have come to care about the most. The thing that makes me happy, despite any temporary stumbling of my mood, is seeing Inessa. Long ago I told her that the more we met together, the harder it would be apart, and now, being together over 6 months, discovering more and more who she is and how we complement each other, it's hard to be in my little village, or the black hole, as I call it, and harder to think of that inevitable time when I will step back into my dust-covered, foggy life like an ill-fitting shirt.